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Archive for the ‘Pain’ Category

Who ever said staying sane was easy? No one I know would suggest that; however, many can’t imagine the chemistry involved with keeping a person with Bi-Polar Disorder off the carnival ride from hell. You’d think a savvy psychiatrist would find the magic mixture of drugs to balance us out, but often it is simply not so. Besides, you might stabilize for a couple of weeks, maybe even a few months, and then you tumble downhill once again. Here’s my current medicinal repertoire:

Seroquel (treats mood swings and psychosis)
Lamictal (ditto, with the added bonus of [supposedly] preventing migraines)
Effexor XR (manages depression)
Verapomil (a blood pressure medication that helps forestall a migraine attack)
Treximet (when said migraine attacks, take this for possible relief)
Cogentan (treats what I call “the jumpies,” a side effect of Seroquel)
Pepsid (a well-known antacid, to [sometimes] prevent incessant heartburn)
Lunesta (the butterfly-commercial sleep aid, which I somehow need, despite the soporific side-effects of many of my drugs)

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I don’t know where to begin. How many times does a writer start with that sentence in her head? For me, it isn’t often, but today I am overflowing with so many thoughts, emotions, sensations, and a heart-stopping contentedness, that I actually can’t find a beginning.

Clearly, if you read this blog, you know my life has been very eventful, and frequently that has not been a good thing. So I think I can safely say “I know” in many, many situations. I’ve had the “I know” feeling repeatedly over the past several days, weeks, and months. The first was in response to two friends’ relationship that quickly smudged barriers, both personal and professional. Having been in a similar situation before, I knew immediately when these dear friends of mine crossed over into the all-or-nothing chaos of a clandestine relationship. In fact, I knew instantly the day “it” actually happened, and was just as instantly thrust back into my own dark, labyrinthin time, where the supposed hedges that encased us as we walked through this maze had actually turned to deceptively soft leaf piles covering sharp, painful thorns. As time went on for me, the leaves dwindled to almost nothing, and I saw all of the thorns, and I ripped through the walls anyway. The results, as you can imagine, were devastating — both physically and emotionally.

How refreshing, then, to find an instant connection with someone who isn’t afraid to speak his mind or hear me speak mine… and who is interested in a real relationship with me and me alone. From the time he first started calling me, I chose John Mayer’s “Say” ringtone for my eNV so I am reminded every time he calls that I can be myself without fear of reprisal. The labyrinthin path so shrouded with thorn and cover is now clearly lit and easily navigated.

Praise God, from whom all blessings flow!

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For those of you who have never experienced a migraine headache, I am overjoyed for you. For those of you who have heard about them but can’t really imagine, here is your opportunity to do just that.

Background:

  • My boss has been off work for the past six-seven weeks, during which time I worked with the director of another department to plan an important event for my office.
  • I have been working two jobs since mid-December while my colleague and good friend was on maternity leave.
  • I received a Needs Improvement evaluation at work last year because I received a complaint about my customer service skills from one student.
  • I worked my ass off this year to ensure I would meet and even exceed my performance expectations.
  • I have had migraine headaches for 23 years and have never been hospitalized for one to this point.

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Recently, my friend Tiffany tagged me with a meme to write my memoir in six words. While you’re supposed to tag other bloggers once you’ve been tagged, I really don’t have that many co-bloggers at the moment to tag, or they’ve already been taken. Here are the rules:

1) Write your own six word memoir
2) Post it on your blog; include a visual illustration if you’d like
3) Link to the person that tagged you in your post, and to the original post if possible
4) Tag at least five more blogs with links
5) Leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

Here is the memoir I would leave today. I’m positive it will change tomorrow or the next day. But for now, here ya go:

Creative writer craves deliverance from evil.

I’m not always this serious or intense when describing myself, but recent events have left me feeling precisely as my memoir suggests.

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A few days ago, I would have been the last person to believe there was such a thing as spiritual warfare. However, after spending the last two days in an abyss akin to hell, I’m beginning to believe that it does, in fact, exist.

[rockyou id=109267686&w=250&h=187]

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No Pain, No Gain

So what’s a woman to do when it’s 1:00 a.m. on a work night, and sleep is not even plausible? Imaginable? Possible?

Read about, listen to, and observe hilarious images of Tony Stewart’s Back Waxing for charity. Just go to the link above, click on the words “Click here for audio clips and photos,” and then click on the button that reads: Tony’s back wax Montage: Listen at your own risk! Do I need to explain the red-colored font? Okay, okay… Take a look at Tony’s back in the middle image. Think purple would have been a more appropriate color choice?

BikiniI’m no masochist, but having waxed areas somewhat more sensitive than one’s back in preparation for “bikini season,” I have to laugh at the baby-like screams of this tough guy getting his back waxed. Come on, Tony! You’re a wimp!

For additional entertainment, google “waxing” images. The lengths some people will go to for beauty truly are amazing!

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I Am Ashamed

Hotel Rwanda

YouTube Video of Movie Trailer “Hotel Rwanda”

What else is there to say?

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My sister and I took my Dad to the neurologist’s office this morning so we could learn more about about the memory problems he’s been having. I had a bad feeling going into the appointment because my siblings and I have thought for some time now that he needs to move to a senior care facility, but he’s been very resistant. I just didn’t think the doctor would find his memory loss significant enough to warrant his staying in a “home” of any sort. I was surprised to see that I was very wrong.

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Hangings, Beheadings, and War

I don’t know what I was thinking. I typed in the words “saddam hussein hanging” into the search text box and watched the video of them putting the noose around his neck. I Xed out before they actually hanged him. Then I typed in “beheading” and watched the video of the beheading of American civilian Eugene somebody. (Forgive me, but I can’t remember his last name, and I don’t want to go anywhere near that site again.) I kept watching while he screamed in agony, and then I Xed out. What are these people thinking? What is President Bush thinking sending our troops over there? Allowing American citizens to work over there? What goes on in the minds of those citizens when they pursue work over there? Is it greed? I hear they make a ton of money. But is it worth all of this? These radical Islamic terrorists scare the hell out of me. Why do so many people on this earth kill in the name of their lords? I cannot fathom what goes through their minds growing up in such a culture. Some probably saw the video and felt justified in our starting a war over there. I, on the other hand, am ashamed for my country’s leadership and believe we should just withdraw in disgrace. When will the violence ever end?

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I guess forgiveness is just in the air. I just couldn’t let it go. I called my dad today to tell him our family had experienced enough broken relationships and that I wanted the pain to stop. I indicated that in spite of how distant our relationship has been since, well, forever, I wanted to do whatever it takes to reach something more akin to friendship. My dad is going senile, so I don’t think he fully understood what I was saying. However, he knew I was reaching out to him, and I believe he appreciated it. He said he would try to call me back but if I didn’t hear from him I should call him back. He’s very forgetful like that.

Why, you ask, would I bother, given his age and present state of mind? The reason is this: My faith calls me to forgive those who hurt me, even when it’s difficult. So I decided to let everything go. Does he remember what he did to me? Probably not. But that doesn’t matter. What matters is that God has reached into my soul and urged me to restore a broken relationship in His name, and I obeyed His prompting.

I didn’t do anything wrong to make my dad’s and my relationship go sour. After all, I was only a small child when the abuse started. However, as an adult, I have not reached out to seek healing in our relationship. I forgave him long ago, yes, but I never let on to my dad that I had done so, so our relationship never blossomed.

I am thankful to God that He has nurtured and held me these last several weeks and that he spoke to me so clearly through the words of my minister last Saturday. Hear it yourself by going to http://middletownchristian.org/audio.asp, pressing the Month radio button, selecting November 2007 from the dropdown list, and then selecting David Emery – [November 25,2007]  Kingdom Now! – Radical Change. You won’t regret it!

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